Never Admin again
#Versicoloured 7
It’s been almost two years I left my job in the creative industries. I was a project manager aka Admin for everything. All the boring things they would give to the Admin and the juicy, fun parts, keep to themselves. All Admin in the team were more or less my age, and woman. There was a pattern and that’s all I’m saying for now.
The Admin became an archetype I created in my mind to name this part of self who was always: available, helpful, solving everyone’s problems, organised, rigid. I realised this part was taking most of my time and existence, and it was being legitimated by the working culture I was part of. It was so hard to break away from her… I still struggle from time to time.
Before starting any creative project, for instance, I had the need to organise, plan, and plan again, which led to procrastination. But also to the fact that an artistic project usually comes organically, naturally, in waves, in chaos, in life, not smashed in spreadsheets. I worked with so many artists, I know, a lot of them would benefit from organising their google docs, budgeting, planning a bit more here and there. But overall, the artistic practice doesn’t need a plan: it needs play and experimentation in the first place. It needs generating raw material without a finished product down the line. It needs time, presence, and space. It needs nothingness. All things the Admin would not bear.
I was already working on my writing, but, most of the time, forcing the Admin around the writing instead of the loose, chaotic, note-taking, journalling, process-oriented practice writing is for me. There are writers who plan a lot before sitting down for writing, I’m not like them. Ideas emerge as I walk in the dark.
It’s hard because the Admin is easily lured by the marketing-hussle-productive culture. As if we need a bit more planning or another spreadsheet for our projects to work better, finally succeed. I planned, organised, devised, topics for this Substack around 10 times, changing its title, its objective, re-organising what was already organised which lead me not to write articles. As if I needed more organisation skills.
I was so addicted to my Admin-self that I took some time, real time, doing nothing, and really not caring about results. Just focusing on my practice to understand how it looks like, and the feeling of loosing the grip. This is how this Versicoloured series came to existence.
I’m sure the Admin will still help me, but for now, never Admin again.
Julia.
This week at Alma Studio we have a Flow Writing Session. I use oracle and Tarot cards as imaginative prompts to generate raw material in these one-hour sessions, and always bring a literary inspiration to guide the practice. This month’s theme is: memories. Spaces are limited to ensure everyone receives my direct, personal attention. Secure your ticket below.